Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
