so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
