Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
