Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
