do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it's like heaven, but drunker
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you had me at cake vodka
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
