i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
