I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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