Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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