Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you inspire me to be a worse person
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize