Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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