I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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