She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
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I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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