I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Pooping to opera.
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