i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
