So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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