Dude my mom stole all your condoms
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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