2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
