At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
tequila makes me forget i have legs
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
