Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Lo siento on account of my penis...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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