Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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