You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
