and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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