I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
