my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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