Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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