"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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