im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
