I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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