I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
