I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
