He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
