And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Randomize
