Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
