O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Drunk is a universal language darling
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
