thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
