Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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