I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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