You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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