Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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