Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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