Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
