Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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