This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
