When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
