just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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