She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
