Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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