she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
