I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Boobs speak an international language.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
