I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
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its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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