I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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