so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
