the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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