no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
