I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
