I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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