i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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