Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
