come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
