i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
