i think my tv is drunk
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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