I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
