Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
