last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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