I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea