I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?