"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?