if you like me you must not know who I am
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.