Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
