mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
