Midget sex pt 2 tonight
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
