she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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