if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
