I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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