your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
