Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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