so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
