I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
