I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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