All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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