You smell like a Billy Joel song
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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