Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have aggressive nipples.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
