If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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