so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
