if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
