she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I need a beard to bite.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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